Wednesday, 5 June 2013

OCD is for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

OK so I  would normally only write one letter but come on I couldn't leave out the other two now could I? It would make me feel uncomfortable and have me reaching for the Prozac... now is that my obsessive or my compulsive side? I never can tell...

That's right dear reader I am a diagnosed obsessive compulsive. Isn't everyone these days you cry?  Well no they're not, they may have slight tendencies or be a little bit superstitious or like things just so, but believe me when I say, being OCD is no laughing matter, you either have it or you don't, there's no in between. 

OCD can be such a debilitating mental illness and some days it leaves me wishing I could stay under the duvet for the rest of my life. I don't of course because I've got an eight year old son who depends on me and an appointment book full of clients that need their nails beautifying, not to mention two pets that need feeding who will not let me indulge my OCD in preference over their morning breakfast biscuits! However, whilst I've said it's not humorous by any stretch of the imagination,  I will attempt to help you see the funny side of this horrible disorder, it gives my friends a good giggle when I pick up another piece of paper off the pavement and shove it in my overstuffed handbag full of other little bits of paper I've picked up already, so why not you too? I will not be doing serious or a down on my luck post for that is not me on N is for Nails. After all NIFN (see what I did there) is not a serious, thought provoking blog, it's just some thirty two year old woman's mad ramblings of course, so believe me when I say there's no place for normal or serious round here.
So yes, as I said I'm OCD.  Not a little OCD (jesus that phrase aggravates me) I'm full on, certifiable, crazy arsed OCD. As my mother would say  "Laura you've never been one for doing things by half" and I cannot disagree with her. 

But as with all things I firmly believe that every cloud has a silver lining. So dear reader, the silver lining of being an obsessive compulsive?  I literally research the hind legs off a donkey before I take on anything new for my business, book a holiday, buy a car, visit a tourist attraction, watch a film, buy a toy, read a book, decorate a room, the list is vast and endless. I wouldn't go as far to say that I create a mood board, I'll leave that to the interior designers, but if you delve in to the hard drive of my laptop it's like the 1990's version of Pinterest. 

Speaking of Pinterest I've had to stop going on there. So many pictures of nails and not enough hours in the day to pin... allowing an obsessive compulsive to use Pinterest is like asking an alcoholic to work in a pub... it wouldn't be allowed and you just wouldn't do it.  Just as I think I've pinned my last nail picture... never mind it's the thousandth one I've pinned in the last hour... BOOM!  I spot another and the pinning frenzy continues. It got so ridiculous I deleted my account... you do not know the sheer courage that took as an obsessive compulsive to do that, my therapist, if I had one, would be so proud of me. But back to my research... 

So my laptop holds a plethora of pictures, articles, bookmarks, reviews, scientific studies and much more besides. I feel this is healthy, for my clients at least when it comes to my business, because at least with that kind of knowledge you know what you're doing... well most of the time anyway.  But how does OCD effect my work?

Taking photos can prove to be an issue if my clients wearing a ring that's crooked. I will certainly make sure it's straight for the picture, but horror of horrors if I forget to check and I've just clicked that button willy nilly?  My OCD hits an all time high and the photo has to be taken again with the ring in its rightful place.  Nuts are another source of my obsession. I cannot tell you how many times I've asked a client if they have a nut allergy before I use Solar Oil, which has almond oil in it. Despite the 'any known allergies' being circled no on my client consultation form, I still have to ask. I truly live in fear of an anaphylactic shock causing a client to pop their clogs in front of me. I've even considered stopping using my beloved Solar Oil, but then my normal side kicks in (yes I do have one) and I reign myself in... until the next time that is anyway.
But I do have to say now, my poor husband bears the brunt of my mentalist ways. I know it's not fun for him and you really need the patience of saint when I'm having one of my really bad days, but in sickness and health and till death do us part and all that... although sometimes I do think that last bit crosses his mind once to often...

OCD comes in many forms, the obsessive cleaning type I don't have... to the great disappointment of my husband and son. I have a few things that tip me over the edge, tiny bits of paper on the floor like I've mentioned above are part of my repertoire. A friend and her boyfriend once house/pet-sat whilst we were on a camping holiday, my friend's boyfriend had absolutely no idea that I suffered from OCD, well that was until he happened to open a few drawers in our kitchen trying to find the cutlery and got greeted with a drawer full of tiny bits of paper and when he opened a cupboard and an avalanche of letters came tumbling out on his head. Come to mention it, that's another one of my freak outs... post!  I can't bear to throw things away so I still have post from the early 2000's... I never have to worry about identify theft and shredders round here. Never, and I mean never, put a letter and envelope in the cupboard separately in my house, it's basic OCD 101 (which my husband still hasn't mastered) that letters go back in their envelopes before they're 'filed' in the cupboard. Oh the arguments himself and I've had over the last nine years about this is immense.  Another one that gets me is numbers. Oh dear lord numbers. I hate them, I hate having to take down a phone number or credit card number if the Bank of Mum is lending me her card. And when I have to pay her back? Jesus H the bank details nearly send me in to a black hole of OCD-ness (is that even a word?). The fact that for many years I worked in payroll as a girl about town in London, still amazes me to this day. Payroll is nothing but numbers and bank details so how did I survive?  

But really I'm lucky, not to be suffering with OCD you understand, but for having the support of my family and friends, because without them I'd honestly be lying under my duvet, hibernating just like a tortoise.

So next time you see some crazy lady, doing some crazy thing, spare a thought for us obsessive compulsives and please, I beg you, stop dropping your freaking litter, because somewhere, some place, there could be someone exactly like me... 

EDIT: Have you noticed that the eighth paragraph down the text isn't justified? My god it's giving me the heebie geebies, no matter what I do it just won't justify.  I've even tried copying and pasting this whole post in to a new post, but does it work... no.  Even Blogger is against us OCD'ers. My God it's a conspiracy! 


  1. Hi! I've nominated you for the Leibster Award, go to my blog to see the details!

  2. Of for a read now, thank you lovely xxx